


Traffic Jam

by animemouth



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Feelings, Fluff, Frottage, Kissing, M/M, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 20:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3950779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animemouth/pseuds/animemouth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>maybe it’s because everything that dan wants to tell phil about how much he admires him just piles up in his throat like rush hour traffic on a friday night.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>inspired by gallant’s ‘if it hurts’ and the 1975′s ‘fallingforyou’</p><p>also includes 4 am conversations featuring kissing, swearing, & a little frottage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Traffic Jam

**Author's Note:**

> i can't be arsed to use proper capitalization so i apologize. i also wrote this at 2 am so any mistakes are mine! i'll be sure to fix them asap!

the heater starts at two-thirty and runs with a quiet buzz until three thirty-two, when it shuts off with an audible click.

dan rolls over onto his left side and watches the clock’s red numbers glow over phil’s shoulder. he reads the time at ‘three fifty-four’ silently and quietly groans when he can’t feel himself getting any sleepier. he’d wished that if he shocked himself into realizing how early-slash-late it was, maybe he’d feel tired again.

he’s been wide awake since two in the morning, hyperaware of his bunkmate’s slow breathing, the rise and fall of his stomach as each puff of air leaves his lips, the way his eyelashes fan out against the rosy surface of his cheeks. his eyes trace the slope of phil’s hips under the duvet and fall on the abandoned air mattress on the ground.

phil had insisted they go to sleep earlier so they could get breakfast at the french bakery early in the morning and beat the mid-morning rush, then go into town for the day. his tone was hushed but excited when he mentioned the field behind the house where they could have a picnic if the weather held out.

“i’ve been planning all of this since you told me you could come visit," phil whispered, "i know i’m not in a big city where there’s lots to see but i wanted to show you as much as i could before you leave.”

‘before you leave’. the second after the words had fallen from phil’s lips, dan’s stomach cramped up like all his insides had tied themselves into a double knot. dan didn’t want to think about going back home, didn’t want to go back to his mustard coloured bedroom and the old twin sized mattress that felt empty no matter how far he stretched himself over it.

he doesn’t want to think of going back home, doesn’t want to think of tomorrow - well, today, seeing the ungodly hour pulsing in infrared on phil’s bedside clock - or even right now, because he’s painfully aware of how close phil is. dan’s pushed himself against the cold blue wallpaper but phil’s body heat is still rolling towards him in waves between the blankets.

it’s really ironic how empty and cold his tiny bed at home felt, but how much emptier phil’s queen mattress is with the two of them squished together between the covers.

maybe it’s because dan is absolutely smitten with phil and could write a thousand poems about the way his irises have thick band of silver around them and how right it was jumping into phil’s arms at the train station two days ago. maybe it’s because everything that dan wants to tell phil about how much he admires him just piles up in his throat like rush hour traffic on a friday night.

it’s most likely because dan would say and do all of these things for phil, but he hardly believes phil would understand exactly how he feels when he finally gets the courage to tell him. and then, when phil laughs and says thank you and wraps his arm around dan’s shoulders, it’ll feel like dan is being shoved back ten meters because no, that wasn’t what i meant at all, phil.

dan doesn’t know if he’s in love. sure, he doesn’t have much of an idea of what ‘love’ even is because he’s only had a few girlfriends before this and at the time, he was convinced he loved them. if he was really was though, he’s ten times more in love with phil now than he ever was with all the people he’s been with, combined.

dan pulls himself from his thoughts and eyes the blaring red numbers once more.

it’s three fifty-eight. shit.

he rubs his eyes and curses himself for getting stuck in his deeply analytical thoughts and is almost embarrassed with how metaphorical he was being, with the distance and the beds and-

phil stirs in his sleep and dan freezes, popping his neck when he hits the adjacent wall with a bit of force. the older boy shifts like he’s rolling over and the yellow-tinted light peaking through the blinds dips over the duvet like moonlight on water.

“what time’sit?” a sleepy voice asks and dan swears silently. the older of the two laughs and dan can feel the mattress cave when phil shifts closer to him. he then peers over his shoulder and groans into dan’s pillow.

dan tenses up when he feels phil nudge his shoulder with his cheek. “why’re you awake? homesick?”

phil nudges dan again and shifts even closer, pushing him up against the wall again when a socked foot ghosts over the younger boy’s bare ankle. phil’s wearing plaid pajama bottoms and an old tee-shirt while dan is dressed in a zip hoodie and grey cut-off joggers; he’s still over-heating.

“‘m thinking,” dan replies, flips onto his side as his heart rate jackrabbits in his rib cage. phil’s fingers are tracing the freckles on the inside of his arm. and god, it’s so gentle it hurts.

“it’s nearly four in the morning,” phil laughs groggily, “is it so important that you’re going to be a pill in the morning because of sleep deprivation?”

yeah okay, dan chuckles a bit at that and nudges phil in the knee because i’m a delight at any hour under any circumstance, thanks.

but phil keeps shifting forward and they’re still miles apart. even as he’s looking into phil’s eyes, he knows it will feel like he’s clawing at the air if he tries to reach out and let their skin touch.

he doesn’t have to try though, when phil sucks in air and leans forward, laying his head on dan’s pillow completely, his hand now slipping from dan’s forearm to his stomach, covered in thick cotton but sending heat to phil’s fingertips anyway.

the silence cuts when phil frowns slightly and urges, “tell me what’s wrong,” then, “and how you’ve managed to convince yourself you’re a really great liar.”

dan wants to kiss him so badly. his voice sounds like it’s been rubbed on sandpaper and nearly drips with a sad sense of curiosity, like he’s afraid to know. dan ponders if he’ll cave in, if he’ll crash into phil’s open arms and let him split his lips open, drink in all the words he’s aching to say right now.

he licks his lips once and evades eye contact. he can feel his skin vibrating with nervousness before the words leaves him, and finally, finally, doesn’t jumble up before it falls from his tongue.

“i’ve wanted you so bad for so damn long,” he whispers hoarsely, “i wanted to be close to you for so ages and i couldn’t, but now that i’m here i’m so afraid to say or do anything.”

he thinks phil will interrupt him for a moment and two seconds of silence fall between them. dan swallows slowly.

“it feels like we’re still miles apart because i know the second i let myself fall into whatever the fuck this is, and tell you what i feel and what i want to do with you, it’s going to feel like pulling teeth when i have to leave again, especially if you don’t-“

phil cups his hand over dan’s open mouth and laughs quietly. he fucking laughs; dan is appalled. part of him wants to smack phil in the back of the head because he literally just felt like throwing up some vital organs and then this arsehole decided to laugh.

“don’t feel the same?” phil finishes for him, palm still clasped over dan’s lips, “how can you get that idea after all this time? i commented on pictures of you naked and shirtless and invited you to live with me on a daily basis for the past few months and you still think that?” his eyebrows raise under the dark mess of his fringe.

dan raspberry’s into his best friend’s hand and manages a conclusive “you were joking", his voice echoing as he tries to pry phil’s pale fingers from his face.

phil almost looks offended and (finally) moves his moistened hand away, but doesn’t back up. doesn’t turn over and go back to sleep like he should, or make some kind of snappy remark that will cause the younger of the two to stay up even later, cursing himself and his feelings. instead, he smirks and starts to card his fingers through dan’s curling hair.

“you’re lovely in every way. you’re smart and hilarious and love everything i do. you overanalyze everything and speak in metaphors sometimes, but always help me see the bigger picture… plus, you somehow haven’t realized that you’re, you’re damn gorgeous and probably the best all-around person i have ever met.”

phil runs his thumb over the swell of dan’s lips and nervously stammers out, “and i really, really want to kiss you right now, but i haven’t really kissed anyone in a long time.”

dan bites down on phil’s thumb a bit and takes the paler hand between his own. where’s this courage coming from? he wonders to himself when he lets phil’s thumb withdraw from his lips and settle on his cheek.

“are you afraid you’re going to be a bad kisser?” dan asks, pushes phil’s knee between his thighs, “even if you were, i wouldn’t mind.”

fuck, phil just needs to kiss him right now. he’s going to implode if he keeps biting his tongue.

the younger of the two mutters, “so kiss me then,” against phil’s clavicle.

phil giggles - giggles, dan swears to himself - and gently combs through dan’s hair to cup the back of his head, presses their mouths together gently.

dan knows the whole the-first-kiss-felt-like-fireworks theory that his friends spoke about is utter crap; his chest caves in instead and he pulls himself against phil’s chest like a magnet.

it’s an awkward angle, with the two of them lying directly on their sides in the dark in a mess of loose clothing and heavy blankets. phil’s got some dried toothpaste on the corner of his lip though, and it makes dan’s mouth tingle with peppermint. phil pulls away for two seconds and grins.

he pulls back in immediately though, moving his top hand from dan’s scalp to his hipbone, free from the damn hoodie. dan breathes in hard when he feels gentle fingertips dance over the heated expanse of his lower stomach.

phil tastes like stardust and he ruts down against phil’s thigh just enough that both of them let out a startled, pitched noise.

“‘m goin to sit up.”

phil sits up dizzily and brings dan up with him, gets him in his lap and dan’s ninety percent sure he’s going to die. his head feels like it’s going to explode and his heart’s echoing like a bass drum in his ears.

“fuck- phil!”

“god you’re loud,” blue-eyes chuckles.

dan presses down onto phil’s thigh to shut him up again. that’s what she said.

the older boy smirks and holds onto dan’s hips with nimble fingers while he grinds his leg up against dan’s crotch. he thinks about how good it would feel if he wasn’t wearing these damn joggers, because the inseam is itching the inside of his thigh instead of riding up and giving more friction.

a stream of chopped-up swears leave dan’s lips and he dives for the side of phil’s neck, pulling the skin between his teeth and sucking it purple and red. he bucks against phil’s leg, letting his hips grind down in short bursts; everything is on fire.

++++

dan’s shivering a bit when he wakes up. he had to shed his briefs and joggers after the rushed kisses earlier that morning, leaving him clad in a pair of phil’s underwear with sonic the hedgehog printed across the bum.

he can feel phil behind him, breathing slowly against his shoulder blade while his leg grips dan’s tightly in a lazy spooning position. the clock reads nine forty-four when dan looks over his shoulder. he wonders if phil will wake up soon and rush to take dan to the bakery like he’d promised the night before.

there’s a bruise or something on his chest, he can feel it. dan unzips his hoodie a bit and feels the warm indentation on his breastbone. it’s a purple kiss mark sucked fresh into his skin five hours previously. dan’s face heats up when he thinks back to what he and phil had been doing, when they were kissing and he made that pretty mark on phil’s neck that’ll definitely peek over the collar of his shirts, and when phil was gyrating his knee into the warmest part of dan’s trousers.

fondness blossoms in his chest when phil snuffles into the pillow briefly and groans into the white stripes of light being cast across the room. dan wants to kiss him again, and this time he’s not afraid of what he’ll say before or after that, or how stupid it may sound.

“we need to wake up,” phil murmurs, “there’ll be no warm bagels left if we don’t leave soon.”

he then grazes his lips over the back of dan’s neck and dan shivers, rolling his shoulders up to protect the bared strip of skin, when phil slowly leans over him a bit and places a dry kiss on his jaw.

phil’s turned around seconds later, groaning and popping his back and neck once he’s standing. “c’mon, i’ll buy you breakfast.”

he holds a hand out for dan and brings him close, spins him a bit like they’re in dirty dancing, and kisses his nose.

“ugh, brush your teeth we leave. and don’t kiss me when your breath smells like old socks.” dan wrinkles his nose at phil’s morning breath. he leans away and laughs when phil childishly sticks out his tongue.

dan doesn’t quite know what to think after last night - well, a few hours ago - and stays on the bed for a moment while phil heats up his straightening tongs in the bathroom. he can still feel kisses as light as buttery wings before they shifted into bites and tugs on his lip.

he minutely wonders what this will change between them. he knows he’ll probably still swallow his words when he thinks he’s being overly sentimental and metaphorical and turn cranberry red when he asks to kiss phil. he thinks back to when he was so hung up on the loneliness that would come when he returned home or how hopeless he’d feel if did as much as touch phil and his heart rate would kick him. dan’s just so awkward and poetic and grotesquely infatuated but he’s less embarrassed by all of that now, after hearing phil laugh in the dark and kiss him silly after praising his whole existence two minutes prior.

phil suddenly turns the corner back into his bedroom and leans against the doorframe; dan can feel the frosted blue irises focusing in on him. he doesn’t stand up and kiss phil again though, or even look at him

he simply reaches out and for once, phil’s actually there, solid and sound.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't write much anymore so i hope you all enjoyed this!
> 
> if you liked it, it's also on my [tumblr](http://kvarcas.tumblr.com/post/119120098310/traffic-jam)!


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